Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
