i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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