Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
