highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
