The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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