he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
