Cold hands, warm shart.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
