after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
