i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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