i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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