So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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