So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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