so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
