tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
