dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
