we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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