Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
