ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
