This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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