bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
