Your dad touched me again.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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