i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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