I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
