im having a threesome with these popsicles
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Randomize
