You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
