yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't want my vagina anymore.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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