Screwed.edu
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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