He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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