We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
