Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
