everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
