Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
