I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
