I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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