My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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