I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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