you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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