i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
