Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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