She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
