Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if only i could text you this smell
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize