Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
