I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
