Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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