need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
