it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
