Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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