I looked at my own cervix.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
