You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
