who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
