Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
