So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm like, not good at living.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
