My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
