We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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