I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
