is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize