apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
try to milk me bitch
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