No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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