you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
