I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
