He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
