Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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