I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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