I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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