Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize