all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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