also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
