no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
