I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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