if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize