Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I love you. Go after that dick
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
