letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
