you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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