Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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