Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
