i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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