Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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