I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
